I Have a Faith Problem

By S. Michael Durham

(This is the first of a series of blogs on the subject of faith.)

I feel like I am taking a refresher course. Or maybe it’s more like I have multiple times failed the class and must take it again. The lesson is faith, how to trust God in everything. You would think to believe God should be a relatively easy lesson to learn since God has a track record of never playing someone false. He does not lie, He cannot lie. He is completely trustworthy. So what’s the problem? Obviously it isn’t God; it’s me. I’m the problem. There is something wrong with me that I can’t trust the most honest Person in the universe.

Maybe my problem is that I’m an untrustworthy person and I’m judging the Lord based upon my performance. We do that; we often judge other people’s motives by our own motives. I know I can’t always be trusted. I sometimes have ulterior motives and so why couldn’t God have a few? May be He is up to something other than my good because often “my good” hurts. I can’t handle too much of that kind of good. Yet, that seems to be the kind of good the Lord is often dishing out.

Maybe my faith problem is an intellectual problem, meaning I just can’t figure God out. I mean He sometimes asks me to believe Him for things that don’t make sense to me. He requires strange things that appear unreasonable. He tells a 100 year old man he’s going to have a son with his 90 year old wife whose womb never worked when she was younger. And then once the miracle boy arrives a few years later God tells the same dad to take his son and offer him as a human sacrifice on an altar. I’m sorry but it doesn’t compute.

Perhaps my faith issues have stemmed from a problem I have with control. I do like to have my hands on the helm of my ship, if you know what I mean. I’m not so kosher with the idea of someone else doing the driving, especially if I don’t know where we are going. I want to sit down and plan my course. I want to Google map my trip and think of possible contingencies before I head off in any direction. But it seems the Lord has this thing about taking me to places I’ve never been without consulting me or at least letting me see the map.

Or could my faith problem be an odd mixture of all the above? And if so, wouldn’t that be indicative that my real problem is a nature problem? I mean it could very well be that my human nature is fallen and doesn’t like to trust anyone more than me. But don’t take my word for it. Remember, I’ve already confessed I’m not so honest. How about you? Why do you struggle with trusting God?