Why am I a Christian?

God help me. I have seen a glimpse of God. I have seen a slice of who God is, and His holiness overshadows me. If I turn from the view of the righteousness of God and back to myself, I look ugly. I did not look so bad, at one time. I seemed pretty good. Yet God's light so shined upon my soul and my fallen humanity that my flesh recoiled and shrunk in its presence. My skin clung to the dust of the earth. Every wrinkle, every spot, every blemish burst forth in all its hideousness. Even if the light of God be removed, the view of my flesh and sinfulness remain. The light of God exposed and changed my sight forever. I can never view myself the same again. The memory of the penetrating holiness of God and the repugnancy of myself remain etched upon my being forever.

To be a Christian is to be in the only form that God finds acceptable. It is for me to put on Christ. Only through Christ are the blemishes destroyed. Only through Christ are the stains removed. Only through Christ am I made clean. To live my life now after such a revelation is in, all reality, a waste. There is no need to press forward in my flesh. It is too disturbing to even imagine. It is too ugly to comprehend. But to move forward in Christ. . . my flesh crucified so that it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives through me. . . is to let my life be lived by the Spirit of God. It is is a life worth living so that others can see His glory. I know what it means for Him to be made perfect in my imperfection. The world can see Him and His glory and His power in a life yielded to Him. He can take the death, the failure, the enmity against Him, and transform it until He gains the glory for His own good pleasure.

God help me.

J.T.